Change of Heart

There have been significant moments in my life where I have felt a sincere, indispensable, unwavering change of perspective and outlook. This one crept up on me slowly, and then all at once, and I can’t seem to shake it off.

            The last two years have been very tense politically and socially. The most recent Presidential election was controversial to the point of relationships getting severed and basic social decency towards one another being lost. Wherever you stood, on the left, the right, or in between, everyone seemed to hold aggressively hard to their platforms. All elections bring out this side of people, but this one was slightly unique in the fact that more people landed in the middle of the road, at a “moderate” platform than in past elections. And that was a perspective I could understand even less than being on the left. I myself have always held steadfastly to a “right,” conservative, republican platform. This is founded mainly from a pro-life perspective, as I have always felt concerned with the rights of the unborn and have always voted according to those who vowed to fight for the rights of the unborn. In this most recent election, we had a republican candidate whose steadfast dedication to this intention was questionable, but a democratic candidate who said, without any shame, that an unborn fetus has absolutely no human rights, even moments before he or she is delivered. In my opinion, based off this and other things about this candidate’s personal character, I felt as if the most important thing was to prevent her election. Sometimes, you need a mongoose to kill a snake. So, I voted for the mongoose and he got elected, but I can’t continue to pretend that I support or agree with him on every level. This does not reduce my respect for the position or the office, but I am not going to blindly pretend that I am at all comfortable with the state that we are in as a society as a result of this political climate.

            This year, the world experienced an immigration crisis in Syria that, again, was another issue that divided people politically. One side seemed to want to clutch tightly to self-preservation, preventing and safeguarding our typical levels of comfort, the other seemed to want to relax immigration standards to welcome any and all refugees that may be fleeing crisis. Why we feel the need to be SO black and white, I don’t think I’ll ever understand, it’s only made worse when both sides present their case as if it is the only “obvious” option and presents no room for negotiation or compromise. Neither stance was balanced or correct, and I think, that if we all put ourselves in a position where we could empathize with those fleeing crisis, we would agree. I, myself, sided with the “right” and stubbornly insisted that there was nothing wrong with protecting your country or its people, and in order to do so, we should blockade any immigrants from penetrating our borders because of the risk of Radical Islamic terrorism. I also, shamefully, willingly turned a blind eye to the gruesomeness of the Syrian crisis and stuck my head in the sand until people would inevitably stop talking about it. Later, I started seeing images of the brutality, the violence and the death; as if they were planted in my path, I couldn’t avoid them. Something was brewing, something was changing and I couldn’t keep avoiding it. Then I saw the image that acted as a catalyst for the change of heart I’m experiencing now; it was of a toddler, not but a year or two older than my youngest child, dead in the streets as the result of a violent attack. I have tears running down my face now as I sit here and remember how shaken I felt by it.

            The next issue was one that is being discussed widely right now, and that was one of racially motivated police brutality. Last year, there were multiple instances of black men being fatally shot down by white police officers, in such a dramatic cluster that it was almost mind blowing. The first time, I was hesitant to believe the public reaction that it was completely unsolicited, I figured there must be more to the story. I wanted there to be more to the story, because otherwise, there was an incredibly disturbing truth that needed to be dealt with. As it was, news stories were being distorted and warped by the media on a pretty regular basis, and as politicians capitalized on the opportunity to politicize these shootings, I became even more wary of the facts as they were presented to me. But then it happened again. And then it happened again. And every time, I did my own research, and couldn’t find ANY evidence that the way the police officers responded in any of the instances was appropriate, called for, or even remotely justifiable. But, wait. It wasn’t OK to question it, because I was a republican, and the instances had already been politicized to death. The right was already picking up torches and printing “Blue Lives Matter” bumper stickers, and the left was playing the blame game and pointing fingers back at the right. Here’s what I could never, and still can’t, stomach: in all of these incidences, when a black person is murdered (and yes, let’s be real and honest, what we’re dealing with is murder) what picture do they use for the news? Is it a nice, respectable picture of a man with his family? Is it a graduation headshot in cap and gown? No, it’s either the least flattering picture they can conjure up, or a mugshot from 10-15 years prior, if one exists. All of these men had families. All of these men had jobs, lives, friends, responsibilities, but the script is recited each time, “well, he had a record…” “well, he looked like he might reach around for a gun…” well, this wasn’t the first complaint the police had received about him disturbing the peace…” as if that somehow justifies shooting down a man multiple times while other police officers watched and did nothing. As if that somehow justifies shooting a man with a child in the backseat after he was pulled over for a broken taillight. I will just be completely honest with you all: I AM GUILTY OF RECITING THIS DIALOGUE. I AM GUILTY OF LOOKING FOR REASONS WHY IT HAPPENED. Part of this, I really do believe, is the denial that naturally occurs when a horrendous thing has happened, you don’t want to believe that it was truly as awful as it sounds, so you look for a more thorough, feasible explanation. I don’t think there’s necessarily anything sinful or evil about this. What is sinful and evil: continuing to deny this is part of a frightening trend, even after your search for explanation and justification turns up void.

Then came the message I couldn’t stop hearing: if you truly believe in the sanctity of life, from conception to natural death, and really believe all lives are precious and worth saving, why would these people’s lives be any different? If we fight ardently for the rights of the unborn, and we actually believe that those sweet little lives are precious, when does the sanctity of that life end? When they are born in a predominantly Muslim nation? When they are born in an inner city, low income neighborhood? When they grow up to be a teenager that steals cars and trespasses on property? When they grow to make a series of bad decisions that land them with a criminal history? When they no longer satisfy a political platform?

Men are kneeling before football games, during the national anthem, a time when they ought to traditionally stand out of respect and reverence for their country and their flag. It doesn’t take much time on social media to see that, once again, we are divided right down the middle. The issue is, apparently, black and white. You either stand or you don’t. You either are a respectful American citizen or you’re a disgrace. Folks, I am nauseated. I am actually sick to my stomach over this. And no, it’s not because it’s nauseating to see a group of men kneel while the national anthem is performed. It’s nauseating to watch Christians on social media become keyboard warriors, Facebook patriots and immediately advocate against the cause being protested just because it makes them uncomfortable. I have news for you, protests are designed to make people feel uncomfortable, they are designed to grab the attention of those whose attention needs grabbing. If you are uncomfortable with an interruption to your leisure time, this probably means you. I am not going to accuse you of having malicious intentions. I am not going to accuse you of being terrible because you think people should stand and show respect for their country in a traditional way. Of course they should. Of course you think they should. But, if you are so consumed with your opinion about patriotism being heard, at the expense of even attempting to understand the cause being protested, I will say it again friends, you are part of the problem. I wonder what would happen if everyone cared as much about innocent people dying at the hands of festering racism as they were about symbols of patriotism. I wonder how many things would change if we stopped insisting “racism is a non-issue” and trying to move on with our lives. I wonder how many of us could be enlightened by the perspective of someone who has actually experienced oppression or discrimination. I wonder how many of us would be willing to listen. After my handful of logins to Facebook this week, I’m willing to bet it’s not many.

I feel like it's important to clarify for those of you who are still confused. This protest is not a protest against the American Flag, the National Anthem, or the Pledge of Allegiance. This protest is not an Anti-American, anti-white, anti-patriotism protest. This protest was designed to grab attention of those watching Sunday afternoon and Monday night football. This protest was intended to be controversial, so that it would start conversations. For those of you saying, "rich black athletes kneeling during the pledge doesn't change anything," think again. I, and several others, have had several conversations about racism in our society that we probably wouldn't have had otherwise. Racism has a trickle-down effect. It's doesn't start with hateful people grabbing guns and going out and shooting black people. In the same way, change has a trickle-down effect. Both can start with small, seemingly insignificant conversations, if we are willing to listen to HEAR another perspective instead of to respond or argue. Overall: if the protests upsets you, fine, but if the reasons motivating the protest don't bother you, we have a problem.

This is not a left or a right issue. This is not a conservative or liberal issue. Why? Because that’s not good enough. It’s no longer sufficient to be a republican. It’s no longer sufficient to a democrat. It’s no longer sufficient to be an American. Hear me say this: it doesn’t matter what your voter registration card says. It doesn’t matter what your birth certificate says. It is time to answer the important questions of life: what is the most important thing about a person? Is it their ethnicity, genealogy, sexual orientation? Is it their birthplace, family name or gender? Or is it the unwavering, non-negotiable fact that they, like you, like me, were made in the image of God? It’s time to STOP escalating all of these other things to the position of “identity.” As believers, we ought to all unanimously agree that a person’s God-breathed identity is the most important thing about them, the fact that they were precious to Him before they breathed their first breath, and that they are precious to Him now. The end. There’s nothing else to discuss. And, if you are sitting here reading this, trying to scramble around the corners of your brain searching for arguments against this fact, then hear me when I say that YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Regardless of where you stand, regardless of who you vote for, regardless of how you feel about the person who was elected… none of those things are excuses to remain willfully ignorant. I am speaking to Christians right now. I am speaking to those of you who are posting “I stand for the flag and kneel at the cross.” If that’s true, good for you. I don’t say that with sarcasm, I know several of you say it and truly do mean it. I know several of you have deeply personal reasons why you believe wholeheartedly in patriotic tradition. You are not wrong. You need to understand that this protest is bigger than that, but you are not wrong. However, it is not a free pass to remain ignorant of an ongoing problem. We gain nothing when we refuse to acknowledge that a problem MIGHT exist. We LOSE nothing when we make a conscious choice to hear another perspective. So, as you sit here, thinking “I’m not racist, I have black friends…” do me a favor, make some time to sit down with those friends this week and ask them what their experience has been like. Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand. Hear what they say, process it, digest it. If you’re feeling extra open minded, ask them what they feel might start to facilitate change. Then sit on it. Think about it. Learn from it.

I can only speak for myself here. I can only confess on behalf of myself and I am sitting here today realizing that until recently, I have also been a huge part of the problem I am endlessly grateful that my identity doesn’t end there. I am eternally gracious for the opportunity afforded to me to have been born in a country where everyone is free to speak openly and peacefully protest when they see fit. I am thankful for the shift in perspective that I have had. I am thankful that I am no longer content to hide behind a republican platform or even an “American” label.  I am grateful for the change of heart that has jarred me from a dangerous complacency.