Anyway. This past weekend was our second weekend off since working here and we used it to travel to Tampa. We wanted to go our first weekend off in October, but since we had just moved, we figured it was better to stay back until we had everything unpacked and settled. So we waited and waited and finally it was time to go visit! We peeled out of our driveway within minutes of our shift ending on Friday, and were in Tampa by dinner time. We were welcomed with lots of love and lots of gumbo - which my Mom graciously prepared per my request. At first it was strange sitting at a dinner table and not having to teach to behavior constantly, but it didn't take long before I began feeling I could just 'be.' I just remember having it occur to me in the midst of the weekend that we never actually said "can we come stay at your house" - it just kind of happened because my parents are just kind of awesome. We were able to see Ben's Dad as well a couple times (Mimi was off seeing the world on a pretty cool-sounding London vacation) and our "Uncle" Jack. It was just so nice to be with family and kind of be "at ease" for a few days.
Another thing I found internal peace over while we were in town - my attitude towards churches. Now, I feel it is necessary to explain a bit since a lot of people probably won't know what the heck I'm talking about. I have harbored a large amount of resentment towards my church that I was raised in for a few years now. Partially because I have experienced hurt at the hands of the church, partially because my family has experienced the same thing. Moreover, in both hurtful experiences, it seemed as if we were disposable. I think it's fair to say that we all got the impression, due to the way that things were handled, that we were less important than the prominent church figures that represented the church and thus, were a higher priority than we were. I toyed with the idea of forgiveness for quite some time but in reality, at the mention of the churches name, felt bitter and resentful feelings stir up inside of me, so I knew the forgiveness had never really happened. Now, fast forward to church #2, the church we had attended in Tampa for the last 2 years. Much smaller and much more capable of achieving more frequent spiritual and emotional intimacy with it's members. I found something at church 2 that I'd never *truly* experienced before - fellowship. I didn't even know what that word meant until I found church 2. I experienced truly intimate friendships that met needs for me that I didn't realize I had. Just a truly wonderful experience overall. Now, both churches were composed of imperfect people that loved Jesus. Both churches were striving to bless their members and be a shining light in the community. Only one really 'worked' for me. However, when I visited church 1 after two years, I was so blessed by the warm, inviting attitude of embrace that I was met with. The church was still big, but the people that had always loved me and routed for me were still loving and still encouraging. Our Pastor, who probably sees 2701830740 people a week, greeted my entire family warmly and greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. And in one visit, I was more blessed by church 1 than I think I ever have been.
All of that to say, churches are made up of imperfect people - it's just the way they all are. I happened to have horrible experiences with horrible individuals at one church and not at the other. I think that it is important to remember that God allowed those hurtful encounters to happen, and all of them gave us opportunities to grow closer as a family -- what they intended for evil, God intended for growth. Did church 1 drop the ball a few times? Yes. Did they write us off and wish us the worst after we moved on? No. This has brought me a lot of healing. Walking through the doors once again of the place that I felt inflicted so much pain on me before has provided something else I've not truly, radically experienced before - forgiveness. In the end, I have learned how to forgive from church 1, and is that not a truly important lesson, if not one of the MOST important?? I was finally able to see the people that I felt didn't care about my well-being as what they are -- people. Human beings. Imperfect and well-intentioned, just like me. A weight has been lifted.
"Thank God for church pews, and all the faces that won't forget you,
And when you're lost out in this crazy world
And need somewhere to go and get found,
Thank God for hometowns."
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