Nothing Formed Against Me Will Stand

SO, today I realized I haven't updated since my birthday, which makes sense because we have had one heck of a couple of weeks. Our first weekend on our own, without an assistant, was actually OK. We got a new girl who has special needs and had a REALLY hard time adjusting to being here and threw a few teenage-sized screaming fits, but everyone else stepped up in her place, and it ended up being a good weekend overall. Then, there was this week. We had one girl (we will call her 'J') who got granted a home visit for the weekend, something she's been wanting as long as she's been here, and the judge actually bumped her a bit closer to permanent reunification, seeing that the home visits went well. Just a bit of history - J is one of the ones who I actually said in the beginning "if there were only a couple to make it out of here and be OK, she would be one of them." And I truly believed that. A little bit of empathy got us a long way with her, and she was respectful and willing to learn. That was 'then...' Monday she returned to our home after her home visit and something was a little off. She still had a friendly countenance and said she had a nice time at home, but she didn't greet the babies like she normally does and was irregularly quiet. She talked back and argued, to which I issued a negative point consequence (the kids function on a 'point card' system for behavior and privileges). She didn't like it, refused to write the points down, etc., normal non compliance, but came to her senses within a few minutes. Tuesday we were off, but were told by the AFT that worked in our place that she was non compliant all afternoon and pulled others into it with her. Wednesday we came back to work, and that's when the fun started. She started really acting out Wednesday afternoon after school. Ben and I both gave her separate 'cooling down' options to prevent her from causing a huge issue, but she didn't take them. Instead, her and a boy from one of the other BT houses ran down the road, hopped the fence, and ran away. We called the police, reported a runaway, she was returned home later that evening.

This was probably the most frustrating event of this job so far, because when she returned I was genuinely relieved to see her home, naively assuming she would learn from this brief act of stupidity and not attempt it again - wrong! She did it again the next night as well. Basically, the way it looks to me is something has snapped, and she's desperately grabbing at any opportunity to regain her idea of 'control.' She wants the ability to come and go as she pleases. She wants the right to leave campus whenever she wants. It's frustrating to see someone want a change, and instead of doing the smart thing and being patient until she earns more privileges (or even just until she got to go home), sabotages herself and throws all progress out the window. The other thing that's just sad to me is that we have good cause to believe there's some outside pressure from local gangs to actually get some dirt on their record, and she's actually attempting to damage her permanent record.

The thing about teenagers that I've been reminded of this week is that they are almost completely incapable of thinking past next week. As an adult, I see her behaving the way she's behaving and my first thought is "she's SO going to regret that 5-10 years from now." But for her, anything past next week is completely irrelevant. And there's no way to make them stop what they're doing and say "hmm, this might really affect my ability to get a well paying job when I'm an adult." Nope.

So it's frustrating. It's frustrating to watch her throw away what we've poured into her. I genuinely care for each of these girls and hope that when I invest teaching into them, they will carry what they've learned into the world and be more successful than they would have been without Boy's Town. Sadly, for her, I don't see this being the case. It is a good reminder to us though that you can only carry people as far as they're willing to go. After a certain point, there's no more we can do, except to pray that God keeps her safe as she grabs furiously at control of her current circumstances. On a more optimistic note, seeing her throw away what she's been given has been an eye-opening experience for the other girls in the house that may not have been so forward-thinking without watching her make poor choices. I've had several come to me and tell me that they know how stupid her decisions were and that "they don't want to be here either," but know it would be foolish to throw away the opportunity, because this is probably the best thing for them right now. So this is progress. :) You win some, you lose some.

Anyway. After this very taxing week of stress, our weekend off could NOT have come at a better time. We've really just been milking it for all it's worth. We got some boxes unpacked yesterday and made some progress on our apartment (we live in an apartment on the side of the girls house). This morning we slept in, took our time getting ready, and then went on an adventure to explore Tallahassee which consisted of a Pumpkin Festival at a local Methodist church, the Tallahassee farmer's market, and the brand new Trader Joe's that opened today. We had a fun time just being a family, came home, put the babies down for naps and Ben and I watched a movie - after which I ended up taking a nap as well. All of our tired caught up to us today. :) Then we got Chinese Takeout, came home to watch "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown." It's been a sweet day and I am grateful for my sweet little family :)

PS. A few people have inquired about how much food a family of 10 goes through a month. A few stats about our groceries;

Our monthly budget for food is $1500 (and that's with coupons and donations from the local food bank)
We go through a value-sized pack of chicken in one meal
& about 5 cans of vegetables per meal.
We go through a gallon of milk a day, and that's only because not everyone drinks milk.
We go through two hefty bunches of bananas and two loaves of bread/week.
And if I make a dessert, like brownies for instance, I have to make 2 boxes, and that will be gone in one night.
Our household eats about 15 chickens a week, a school of fish/seafood per month, and two grain fields-worth every month.
We usually buy frozen or canned veggies because those are the most economical.
Going out to eat, even at McDonalds, is usually a minimum of $40-50 for everyone, so we don't do that much.

My Mom and I theorized before we took this job that Boy's Homes probably spent more on food, but actually the girls homes do, because we eat more produce.

And to those of you who have asked about cooking - the girls have an assigned cook night once a week. They decide on Sunday what they're going to make and we shop for the ingredients we need and cook on their night with our supervision/assistance. This helps them learn how to cook for a family for when they're on their own. The only night we are solely responsible for cooking is Sunday. They set the table, cook the food, clear the dishes and clean the kitchen and dining room after, every day. It's great skill building for them to learn to clean up after themselves!

That's all for now, and here's hoping for a better week next week. :)

"Nothing formed against me will stand,
You hold the whole world in your hands.
I'm holding on to your promises,
You are faithful, you are faithful."