Although I believe that this author had wonderful intentions when she sat down to write this, and that only being married a mere ten months doesn't necessarily disqualify someone from making assertive assessments about what marriage is and isn't, in this case, the author was wrong.
When I think of other christian couples that I know who have faced tremendous hardships throughout their several years of marriage, I have a hard time believing they'd agree with her statements. I can think of couples who have lost pregnancies/children, couples who have walked through valleys of extreme mental or physical illness, couples who have dealt with sexual issues and affairs (and still, through the help of God stayed together)... the list could go on and on. I myself fit into more than one of those categories. Yes, these issues exist in the world whether you are married or not, but it is an entirely different experience to encounter them in the most precious and intimate union you share with another person. You will put your heart in anothers' hands and it will be wrung and broken more than once. You will also wound them deeply. That is the reality of loving another. That is the reality of intimacy. This reality does not need to be thrown around in order to "scare" singles, but rather, to give them a healthy expectation of what lifelong commitment calls for.
I don't say these things to be cynical or to drop criticism on another's idea of marriage. I think the concept that marriage is purifying and sanctifying is beautiful and true. But no one has ever been truly sanctified without a struggle or hardship. No one has ever been molded to resemble Christ without being squeezed, prodded, and reformed. On the contrary, when Christ is invited into a person, He often begins tearing things out that don't inherently make any sense to us, breaking down walls and reassembling our comfort levels to where He needs them to be. This process happens again on an even deeper level when two become one. And, when two imperfect people become one, there is often even more work to be done. Again, I don't say these things to scare people. But if we begin telling singles that "marriage isn't difficult," what is a married person to think when they do encounter pain and hardship? They begin to think, "this is not normal," and "it should not be this hard,"and this is a dangerous thing to believe. A person who has been led to believe that their situation is abnormal and unnecessary, may begin to think "maybe this isn't for me." It is normal to struggle and hurt, and at certain times, it should be "that hard." Looking back, the times when my husband and I bled, hurt, and struggled the most, are also the times when we learned to be more selfless, patient, loving, and kind.
The wonderful part about all this pain and difficulty is this: it gives us the opportunity to lean into and rely on Christ more than ever before. Some people say "God never gives you more than you can handle" and that is simply not true. He absolutely allows us to be given more than we, in our own strength, can 'handle' because it guides us to a place of surrender, which is where the christian life ought to be lived. A christian marriage union is a cord of three strands (you, your spouse and Christ) and is not easily broken. When hardships and difficulties come, we need to be being led by Him to find a solution or the strength to overcome it. Then, we will be brought to a place where we can be sanctified by Him.
The takeaway here is this; marriage is hard, but it is also wonderful, and the struggles ultimately pale in comparison to the joy that can be experienced when two people are following Christ through life together.
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