Enough

I've been finding more and more often that My Heavenly Father likes to incorporate themes in His teachings. This year, and especially these past couple months of unemployment, the word that keeps coming up in my life is "enough."

He IS enough.
I HAVE enough.
I DO enough.
I AM enough.
And finally, in regards to my battle with weight, I've HAD enough.

In Celebrate Recovery, they frequently reference the verse "My grace is sufficient for thee, my strength is made perfect in your weakness," but the translation they use is "my grace is ENOUGH." And I love that. You don't need anything else in order to overcome your weaknesses. You don't need to cultivate self discipline out of your own strength; it won't be sufficient, but His grace is.

I think it's amazing how quickly your priorities can adjust. Before we became unemployed, I was very "wanty." (yes, I realize that's not a real word) But I was almost constantly thinking of things that I wanted to add to my collection of "stuff." I always wanted new clothes for my kids. I over bought so much, that every time my favorite consignment sale rolled around, I had DOZENS of items to put in the sale that had never been worn, new with tags. It was ridiculous. I bought clothes for myself in order to ignore the fact that I was gaining weight - I didn't want clothes that felt snug because I was in denial. So I spent hundreds of dollars on clothing items that were essentially tents to hide my shame. Yuck. I was just constantly living in a state of "want." It was a bit ridiculous. Several times I felt called to formally surrender my obsession with money and belongings and I ignored it because it did not sound fun to follow a budget. When we went to work for Boys Town, I started realizing how serious my money obsession was because I started feeling such a sense of pride and relief in how much money we made. I think it's tacky to talk about dollar amounts on social media, so I'll just say we lived very comfortably while working in Tallahassee. It was odd because I was convicted by the relief that I found in financial freedom. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with well-earned financial freedom and I applaud those who are finance-savvy and have created a good life for themselves. Money is not the root of evil. The LOVE of money is the root of evil, and that was what I was looking at in my own life. So then, suddenly, we found ourselves unemployed. Our freeing income was cut off. Our living situation was snatched out from under us two weeks before Christmas, and something miraculous happened - I had enough belongings. Actually, I had MORE than enough. I had enough clothes. I had enough shoes. My kids had more than enough to wear. We very quickly realized that we had been blessed with plenty, and my obsession with accumulating "more" suddenly dissipated. Glory to God.

On the topic of doing enough, I have always caused myself to feel guilty about the amount of things that I do. I thought, "well, look at this Mom on pinterest, she works out, cooks wholesome meals, does fun crafts with her kids, has her hair and makeup done every day, her kids speak mandarin and she PROBABLY has a mind blowing sex life." Mommy's who are laughing right now because you can relate to feeling inadequate compared to these Moms, stop. First of all, remember a lot of people only advertise the parts of their life they WANT you to see. That's the wonder of social media, you can portray whatever type of person you'd like to, if you work hard enough and spend enough time on Instagram. Stop comparing. If you know your babies are loved, taken care of, clean and healthy, you do enough. That's all there is to it.

Lastly, I have gone around in a vicious cycle with my weight for over a year, it's actually really dumb. I cried out in frustration in the general direction of my husband the other night (yes, in the general direction, it was quite incoherent I'm sure) "it's just so frustrating because it seems if I don't surrender this struggle daily, I fail." He wisely responded, "isn't that the point?" Bazinga. That is the point. God knows we have struggles, weaknesses, footholds and addictions. We live in a fallen world and until we have joined Him in eternity, this WILL be the case. The point of a relationship with Him is to surrender these battles and step back so He can go before you every day and ward off the demons who tap (and sometimes bang) on your door. Give it over to Him. His grace is enough.